The Pack, The Very Bad News & The Muppet

Heroes and Villains 

(of the S&P Downgrade)

 Part II of a Progressive Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, there was an ambitious dog pack with illusions of grandeur.  The dog pack, as you may know, had an agenda.  It wanted to run the "whole show."  The Pack wanted to live in an important house, mark its territory, bite reporters, scare small animals, and make a LOT of money.  To reach its goals, The Pack enlisted the help of large animals on Talk Radio, small animals (who had forgotten how to think for themselves), Orange John, Mighty Mitch, the small, ignorant T-Pack and its very good friend Alec.

Late one night, a rumor of very bad news reached The Pack.  All was not well in the land.  This, if true, could make it difficult for The Pack to make a LOT of money.  The very bad news could make non-pack members, small animals, and citizens of the land turn on The Pack - especially the T-Pack.  The Pack needed damage control.

An associate of The Pack, a highly paid consultant, advised an "Ask the Pack" every-dog strategy.  During the strategy session, The Pack learned more about this very bad news; it became very angry.   Not only could it lose a LOT of money, it had been betrayed by a pack member - the Standard Poodle -who had brought the very bad news. (After all, The Pack had kept the poodle well fed for a very long time)  

The Pack and the Standard Poodle had a history together.  You see, not long ago, when EnRott, Dogco, and Worldhound misbehaved very badly, the Standard Poodle had looked the other way. 

Of course, reasons for this very bad news were quite complicated, but The Pack knew non-pack members, small animals and citizens of the land were accustomed to thinking in sound bites.  They had no stomach for in-depth analysis.

Together, they would use this to their advantage.  The Pack and its associates would make it appear that the very bad news came to be because the T-Pack (who knew best) could not force its will upon the land.  It would tell citizens this very bad news came to be because New Guy (who lived in the house they wanted) was "bad."  The Standard Poodle was forced to take drastic measures and announce this very bad news.

One associate with serious skin in the game,  (a furry. muppet-like individual who is rumored to like lemon Pledge) came up with a brilliant idea.  The Pack, via its barks-people, T-Pack spokes-hounds, and large animals on Talk Radio, would launch a behind the scenes media blitz.  They would hold press conferences, online forums, post short barks and host Tailbook sessions to ensure The Pack, the T-Pack, and the furry muppet's lemon Pledge habit were not blamed for the very bad news.

The large animals on Talk Radio would invite special guests on their shows and toss them soft, squeaky-ball questions which had been "submitted" by small animals in the land.   The Pack breathed a sigh of relief.  Alec got out his blackberry.  The muppet sniffed his lemon Pledge and made phone calls.

"Submissions" came in from all over the land.  Citizens were abuzz - what was to be done?  They begged for answers.  Sadly, many questions were ignored by The Pack, its associates, and barks-people.  Small animals who submitted thoughtful questions or challenged The Pack's position were made fun of and dismissed as liberals.  Accustomed to chasing frisbees, The Pack, its friend Alec, Orange John, Mighty Mitch, and the large animals on Talk Radio knew how to handle spin; they crafted talking points to answer "citizens' questions."

The Pack snapped at reporters- it was not to blame.  The T-Pack blamed the very bad news on the kibble, training, clean beds, and free old-dog veterinarian care New Guy made them pay for.  The large animals on Talk Radio called New Guy Un-American, other unkind names, and pointed to this for the very bad news.   The Standard Poodle - Orange John and Mighty Mitch implied - did not like New Guy's liberal, anti-pack policies.  

In truth, The Pack, the T-Pack, and the large animals on Talk Radio didn't care that much about the Standard Poodle's announcement and what it meant for citizens of the land.  What they really wanted was for New Guy to fail and for The Pack to once again live in the house and make a LOT of money.  

In response to the very bad news, various barks-people and small animals (who had forgotten how to think for themselves) urged citizens to tighten their collars, get another dog-job, and stop begging under the table.   They did not talk about The Pack's refusal to hire more citizens or contribute more kibble.  They were afraid.

The barks-people made excuses for The Pack.  They said The Pack couldn't possibly do anything - New Guy had too many rules and they did not know what New Guy would do next!  The barks-people growled loudly - this scared the small animals into believing the Standard Poodle and The Pack could not cope with "uncertainty."   T-Pack members snarled - New Guy was hurting the Standard Poodle!  New Guy wanted all pack members to pay their fair share in kibble.  This, they insisted, was very bad for everyone, especially the Poodle.  

The Pack whined about "rules" that prevented it from hurting non-pack members and soiling the environment. Not doing so was very expensive - too expensive - In fact, The Pack could only offer new jobs in far off lands!   The T-Pack assumed an aggressive posture and said the Standard Poodle's announcement proved they had been right all along; more kibble had to be taken away from the citizens of the land.  This was the only solution.

Pack associates wagged their tails and added that too much kibble had been given to old dogs and sick dogs.  This resulted in the Standard Poodle's very bad news.   But things were about to change. 

The Pack did not understand that whacking citizens with the newspapers and telling to get a second dog-job actually caused much anger.  Citizens could not find one decent paying job, let alone a second job.  The Pack remained tone-deaf; as long as New Guy was in their house, they would not play ball.  There would be no new jobs and no kibble concessions - even with the very bad news.

As more citizens of the land learned of the very bad news, something remarkable happened.  They began to see The Pack, the T-Pack, and the large animals on Talk Radio for what they were.  Citizens started to recall the history lessons they had been taught as wee pups.  They became...curious.

Search engines all over the land referenced words like "Hoover", "FDR", and "New Deal"; "WPA","CCC", and a strange new word - "Infrastructure" became top trending topics!  T-Pack members and friends of Orange John were challenged in polite company.

Citizens of the land also began to recall happier times when a Big Dog lived in the house The Pack wanted.  Small animals thought about all the bad things that happened when The Pack lived in the house and did Our Own and Friend's jobs for them.  They realized many of these bad things happened just before New Guy moved into the house. 

In this land, a big - very big - Holy S&^% Moment arose.  Citizens realized New Guy had eight years of PackPoop to clean up and this was going to take awhile. 

They began to wonder if the Standard Poodle's very bad news could have a silver lining - perhaps it would force The Pack and its members to contribute more kibble and create more real jobs.  If one read the Standard Poodle's very bad news closely, perhaps more kibble, not more cuts, were needed. 

Could this be true?  Citizens needed good information and real facts; not the fair and balanced ones they had become accustomed to.  Something needed to change.  Do you know what they did?

Non-pack members, small animals, and citizens of the land turned off Talk Radio!  They stopped watching Rupert the Weasel's news channel!  They began to read information written by experts and scholars.  They began to seek out smart people who had won Pulitzer Prizes or Nobel Prizes. They began to think for themselves.  The citizens of the land were (almost) ready to turn on The Pack.

After waking up from the fog in this (former) land of compliance, Non-pack members, small animals and citizens of the land decided that THEY wanted to - had to - take action.  Citizens finally understood New Guy couldn't do it alone, there was a LOT of PackPoop and T-PackPoop to clean up.A LOT.

It is said from the day of the very bad news until this day that citizens rose up, put on their big-dog underpants and began to work for the change they believe in.

The moral of the story?  Even a furry muppet can screw the pooch.