Bill Maher Could Save the Nation - No, Really

Why Not?

Ever play “If I Ran the World” – Pinky & The Brain Edition?  Yeah, us too.   If you’re not familiar with this entertaining endeavor it goes something like this:

You and a friend - or friends - offer suggestions for what would be done differently if you could “take over the world.”   Suggestions often, but not always, improve after the first round of adult beverages.   Tequila is a banned adult beverage, for obvious reasons.

During a recent game, after a “warm up” on the usual topics of Spandex, (it’s a privilege, not a right), Boy Bands, Dittoheads, and Children under 6 in restaurants with real china, a true “A ha!” idea emerged. 

This just might work.  If not, it would be one hell of a lab experiment and must see TV.

In our current “race for the White House” system, we endure months of straw polls, caucuses, back-room dealings, political conventions, and primaries.  We offer for your consideration a new way to select the challenging party's Presidential nominee.

The Format

Candidates would be required to go one-on-one with Bill Maher on live TV.  This multi-night television event would feature Bill v. each candidate for 30 minutes. 

The Rules

No notes, no teleprompter, no “staff”, no earpieces, no 7-second delay, and no breaks.   No audience to pander to.  No panel of judges or moderators.  No commercials or corporate sponsors.  (No, Koch Boys, not even you)  Talk about needing some big girl and big boy underpants!   This format would give new meaning to “hot seat.”  To quote W (the one and only time Ms. Underpants is likely to do so...) Bring it on!

The Deciders

As this format would be categorized as “Reality TV”, you the audience would “vote” for who did the best vs. Bill.  Or...who looked least foolish and/or didn’t cry.   Remember, this is just for the primary.  It makes about as much sense as straw polls, except you can’t stack the deck by buying tickets.   As we say here in Chicago – Vote Early, Vote Often.

The Reason

This format could save money.  It would prevent “handlers” from spiffing up their nutty candidate and making him or her appear thoughtful and reasonable.   It would decrease spin and prevent Fox News from making wing nuts sound legitimate and mainstream.  If candidates cannot hold their own against Bill, it stands to reason they cannot hold their own against other World Leaders.   Of special note:  Candidate melt down with Bill tells We the People that said candidate should not - should not - be allowed near the “football” or the little red button.

I’m guessing Bill would be up for it.   If this were the format for 2012, the only one who would pass the “Bill Test” would be Huntsman – and we know he’s too reasonable and too smart (yes - he believes in...science) to actually get the GOP nomination. 

As I see it, Bill saves the Nation or we try Cow-Patty Bingo.