Wall Street Boss, 1% Boss & Main Street 99% Boss - Updated for Fun!

Just to be Clear - Small Business Folks are NOT the "Bad Guys"...

When your car battery dies:

Wall Street Boss…Directs assistant to call the Auto club

If he is in the 1%...He tries to ignore you (Can't see you from his window "I am the 1%" proudly displayed)

Main Street Boss...Gets the jumper cables out of the truck

When your company has a golf outing:

Wall Street Boss…Takes the Corporate Jet to The Masters (Goldman Sachs, you are cleared for take off)

If he is the 1% ...He flies the 1st Corporate Jet, and sends "the others" in the 2nd Corporate Jet

Main Street Boss…Pays for a four-some in the local charity tournament

When your mortgage is late:

Wall Street Boss….Gives you an 800# for the Employee Assistance Program, (run by the Health Insurance Company they "chose" - and received a nice little kick back for), tells you to borrow against your 401(k) (with large penalty clause) and warns you not to bring “personal problems” to work

If he is the 1% ...He is the REASON your mortgage is now "upside down"

Main Street Boss…Gives you an interest-free loan and a bag of groceries

When it’s time to chat with clients:

Wall Street Boss…Expenses a gourmet dinner…in Cayman (Hey Vikram - Hey Citigroup - how was it?)

If he is the 1%...he IS the client...

Main Street Boss…Sits down with a cup of coffee at Myrtle’s Cafe

When profits are down:

Wall Street Boss…Demands yet another Reduction in Force - i.e. Layoff  (Oh, NOT you Morgan Stanley?)

If he is the 1%...He has already "swapped" or invested in a few derivatives...as a little insurance...

Main Street Boss...Takes home less money to make sure everyone keeps working

When “The Company” develops an interest in sports;

            

Wall Street Boss…Buys, Builds & Brands a new tax-payer financed stadium (Yeah, I'm looking right at you Bank of America)

If he is the 1%...He owns the team (except for Mark Cuban, I'm cool with him ;-)

Main Street Boss…Sponsors a Little League Team

When it’s time to Celebrate:

Wall Street Boss…and the Senior Executives swill "Louis Tres" & pop bottles of Dom Perignon

If he is the 1%...He buys an island...and remodels with Halliburton Contractors

Main Street Boss…takes the crew out for pizza and beer at Don’s Pub

When you get sick:

Wall Street Boss…Reminds you that “Paid Time Off” covers both vacation and sick time, ergo and alas, you will not have enough time accrued this year for a "vacation"

If he is the 1%...He has no idea who you are and could care less...

Main Street Boss…Tells you to feel better, thanks you for not getting “all of us sick” and asks if you need anything

When you need a hand at work:

Wall Street Boss…Directs you to work late and come in over the weekend – deadlines are deadlines, after all  (Exits hastily to meet waiting driver for weekend in The Hampton)

If he is the 1%...He has no idea who you are and could care less...

Main Street Boss..Rolls up his or her sleeves, puts on a pot of coffee and the job gets done 

Yes, indeed; Wall Street is a very important place full of very important people who run our economy and our country.  These great bosses, great humanitarians, and great pillars of democracy deserve every credit default swap and derivative-generated dime they make – and for a a LOT of you - it's tax free.   Capitalism is just bitchin'!

Yes, GOP; the businesses of Main Street, thank you for all your time and exhaustive media attention to "our" needs.  We appreciate you correcting our errors.  Silly us - we were "unaware" that our needs were exactly the same as our Big Brothers on Wall Street.   Who knew!

Yes, we the businesses of Main Street, are the job creators, are damn GOOD bosses, and represent many of the "best things” in America.  

Yes, we must be all that an a bag of chips!  We are doing so well in this economy YOU created that we, the businesses of your imaginary Main Street need that "Millionaires and Billionaires" tax break.  

The only time we, the real businesses of Main Street, visit The Hamptons is to unclog your toilet, re-wire your new flat screen TV, fix your Range Rover's breaks, bring you gluten-muffins, walk your designer dogs, clean up after your school age voucher-program offspring, and get the dead gophers out of you pool.  No, sorry, ALEC-funded GOP, we don't make enough money to "benefit" from your radical right wing pro-Wall Street trickle-down Reaganomics. 

No, we may not qualify for those millionaire tax breaks the GOP is fighting for - but we can't be all that bad...nobody is protesting in front of our businesses.  

Hey! Wall Street Bosses - Good Luck with that.  You want us to call the Auto Club?