Ann Richards & Molly Ivins
Wisdom Endures
Another Texas Governor is fixin' to announce himself as the newest RWNJ Presidential Candidate. Is it Deja vu all over again?
Who better to give We the People a little levity than Molly Ivins and Ann Richards - two iconic figures who demonstrated every day what big girl progressive underpants really look like. They might could know a little somethin' about Texas - and National - politics.
Yesterday, when the news broke that Rick Perry was about to announce his candidacy, a scenario started to play out in my head.
In another reality, I envisioned Ann and Molly sitting together, sipping iced tea when the news broke. They looked at each other and fell into peals of laughter. This is the conversation that evolved in my head. A few of the quotes have been changed up a bit - Molly won't mind at all - any political satire at the expense of the powerful is OK in her book!
Scene: Molly's front porch
Ann & Molly: Laughing together...
Ann: Well that's good, if he wins the Republican nomination, Obama gets two terms. Bachmann and now Perry - Molly, this is column material for another lifetime.
Molly: Everyone knows the man has no clue, but no one has the courage to say it. I mean, good gawd, the man is as he always has been: barely adequate.
Ann: Bachmann, Mitt, Tim, Ron - this is going to be fun. I've always said that in politics, your enemies can't hurt you, but your friends will kill you. The GOP race is going to be hand to hand combat.
Molly: Well, what do you expect? In Texas, we do not hold high expectations for the office; it's mostly been occupied by crooks, dorks and the comatose. (laughs and looks at Ann) Present company excluded.
Ann: Let's see if Rick passes the Texas GOP Governor wanna-be President test: Is he against all government programs, but expects his folks Social Security checks on time?
Molly: Check
Ann: Frat Boy? Wife smarter and more socially ....aware than he is?
Molly: Check
Ann: Believes in what our fellow Texan, Ron White, calls an "express lane" when it comes to capital punishment?
Molly: Double Check.
Ann: Lots 'a donors from Big Oil and Big Energy? Hates the EPA? Thinks Evolution is just a..."theory?"
Molly: (Laughing hysterically) Stop. You're gonna make me spill my tea.
Ann: Is he against government interference in business, until an oil company, corporation, or [Bank] is about to go broke and then beg for a government bail out?
Molly: Check
Ann: Does he believe everything Rush Limbaugh says
Molly: (rolls eyes) Check. You recall, I have been attacked by Rush Limbaugh on the air, an experience somewhat akin to being gummed by a newt. It doesn't actually hurt, but it leaves you with slimy stuff on your ankle.
Ann: A Newt or a newt?
Molly: Same result.
Ann: Anyway...Does he believe a poor, minority student with a disciplinary history and failing grades will be admitted into an elite private school with a $1,000 voucher?
Molly: (laughs) Good thing we've still got politics in Texas -- finest form of free entertainment ever invented.
Ann: Does he pledge allegiance to the NRA?
Molly: Check. I am not anti-gun. I'm pro-knife. Consider the merits of the knife. In the first place, you have to catch up with someone in order to stab him. A general substitution of knives for guns would promote physical fitness. We'd turn into a whole nation of great runners. Plus, knives don't ricochet. And people are seldom killed while cleaning their knives.
Ann: Point taken. You know, sometimes it is hard to tell the two sides apart. Look at the "debt crisis" - look at the imbalance. But Perry? He talked about seceding!
Molly: It's like, duh. Just when you thought there wasn't a dime's worth of difference between the two parties, the Republicans go and prove you're wrong.
Ann: Ricky wants to repeal the 16th Amendment.
Molly: Any nation that can survive what we have lately in the way of government, is on the high road to permanent glory. Hey Annie, you still there? Whatchyou thinking about?
Ann: (with a far off, sad look) ...those children in the classrooms and those kids who grabbed me around the knees, and I think of the old people who really need a voice when they're trapped in wheelchairs in dirty nursing homes. The person in office really must have a conscience to know that how they direct this government dramatically affects the lives of those people.
Molly: Oh Annie, I know. The disparity in Texas, and in our Nation is growing too fast. Seems to me, one function of the income gap is that the people at the top of the heap have a hard time even seeing those at the bottom. They practically need a telescope. The pharaohs of ancient Egypt probably didn't waste a lot of time thinking about the people who built their pyramids, either.
Ann: Molly!
Molly: OK, so it's not that bad yet -- but it's getting that bad. (with faked excitement) Oh but Ricky - he is a great moral leader. Didn't Maher just call it "Prayerapalooza?" (becoming serious and indignant) You want moral leadership? Try the clergy. It's their job.
Ann: So who you think he'd choose as a running mate? Phil Graham, the former Senator of Enron?
Molly: Maybe Boozman - the Senator of WalMart?
Ann: That's the last thing our country needs. Any of 'em. What we need is for people to wake up.
Molly: What we need is sustained outrage...there's far too much unthinking respect given to authority.
Ann: So what makes you think people are going to reject Ricky and the GOP in 2012?
Molly: The United States of America is still run by its citizens. The government works for us. Rank imperialism and warmongering are not American traditions or values. We do not need to dominate the world. We want and need to work with other nations. We want to find solutions other than killing people. Not in our name, not with our money, not with our children's blood.
Molly: Everyone knows the man has no clue, but no one has the courage to say it. I mean, good gawd, the man is as he always has been: barely adequate.
Ann: Bachmann, Mitt, Tim, Ron - this is going to be fun. I've always said that in politics, your enemies can't hurt you, but your friends will kill you. The GOP race is going to be hand to hand combat.
Molly: Well, what do you expect? In Texas, we do not hold high expectations for the office; it's mostly been occupied by crooks, dorks and the comatose. (laughs and looks at Ann) Present company excluded.
Ann: Let's see if Rick passes the Texas GOP Governor wanna-be President test: Is he against all government programs, but expects his folks Social Security checks on time?
Molly: Check
Ann: Frat Boy? Wife smarter and more socially ....aware than he is?
Molly: Check
Ann: Believes in what our fellow Texan, Ron White, calls an "express lane" when it comes to capital punishment?
Molly: Double Check.
Ann: Lots 'a donors from Big Oil and Big Energy? Hates the EPA? Thinks Evolution is just a..."theory?"
Molly: (Laughing hysterically) Stop. You're gonna make me spill my tea.
Ann: Is he against government interference in business, until an oil company, corporation, or [Bank] is about to go broke and then beg for a government bail out?
Molly: Check
Ann: Does he believe everything Rush Limbaugh says
Molly: (rolls eyes) Check. You recall, I have been attacked by Rush Limbaugh on the air, an experience somewhat akin to being gummed by a newt. It doesn't actually hurt, but it leaves you with slimy stuff on your ankle.
Ann: A Newt or a newt?
Molly: Same result.
Ann: Anyway...Does he believe a poor, minority student with a disciplinary history and failing grades will be admitted into an elite private school with a $1,000 voucher?
Molly: (laughs) Good thing we've still got politics in Texas -- finest form of free entertainment ever invented.
Ann: Does he pledge allegiance to the NRA?
Molly: Check. I am not anti-gun. I'm pro-knife. Consider the merits of the knife. In the first place, you have to catch up with someone in order to stab him. A general substitution of knives for guns would promote physical fitness. We'd turn into a whole nation of great runners. Plus, knives don't ricochet. And people are seldom killed while cleaning their knives.
Ann: Point taken. You know, sometimes it is hard to tell the two sides apart. Look at the "debt crisis" - look at the imbalance. But Perry? He talked about seceding!
Molly: It's like, duh. Just when you thought there wasn't a dime's worth of difference between the two parties, the Republicans go and prove you're wrong.
Ann: Ricky wants to repeal the 16th Amendment.
Molly: Any nation that can survive what we have lately in the way of government, is on the high road to permanent glory. Hey Annie, you still there? Whatchyou thinking about?
Ann: (with a far off, sad look) ...those children in the classrooms and those kids who grabbed me around the knees, and I think of the old people who really need a voice when they're trapped in wheelchairs in dirty nursing homes. The person in office really must have a conscience to know that how they direct this government dramatically affects the lives of those people.
Molly: Oh Annie, I know. The disparity in Texas, and in our Nation is growing too fast. Seems to me, one function of the income gap is that the people at the top of the heap have a hard time even seeing those at the bottom. They practically need a telescope. The pharaohs of ancient Egypt probably didn't waste a lot of time thinking about the people who built their pyramids, either.
Ann: Molly!
Molly: OK, so it's not that bad yet -- but it's getting that bad. (with faked excitement) Oh but Ricky - he is a great moral leader. Didn't Maher just call it "Prayerapalooza?" (becoming serious and indignant) You want moral leadership? Try the clergy. It's their job.
Ann: So who you think he'd choose as a running mate? Phil Graham, the former Senator of Enron?
Molly: Maybe Boozman - the Senator of WalMart?
Ann: That's the last thing our country needs. Any of 'em. What we need is for people to wake up.
Molly: What we need is sustained outrage...there's far too much unthinking respect given to authority.
Ann: So what makes you think people are going to reject Ricky and the GOP in 2012?
Molly: The United States of America is still run by its citizens. The government works for us. Rank imperialism and warmongering are not American traditions or values. We do not need to dominate the world. We want and need to work with other nations. We want to find solutions other than killing people. Not in our name, not with our money, not with our children's blood.
Obviously, Molly and Ann were most often talking about W who is thankfully out of the picture. BUT the progeny of W are alive and well. In your state, in my state, in the U.S. Congress. Don't let them get away with it.
It is time again for Progressives & people of conscience to put on your big girl or your big boy underpants and demonstrate that "sustained outrage." Molly & Ann will have your back.
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