GOP's New Fundraising Site!

E-Hegemony

The GOP has a new fundraising tool. (No, not Karl Rove, though he is a tool)  It matches potential donors with candidates & PACS.  They modeled it after an online dating site and appropriately named it E-hegemony.     

Let’s take a peek into a few profiles:

Grover Norquist & Americans for Tax Reform

Turn Ons:   Power & FoxNews

Turn Offs:   Liberals, Progressive Taxation

Deal Breaker:   Pledge Non-Signers

Personal Hero:   On Record:  Jesus;   Off Record:  Gordon Gekko

Hobbies:   Creating Small-Scale Hooverville in Basement & Playing Monopoly

Activities:   Frisbee Golf:  Love that Spin, Spin, Spin 

Favorite Getaway:   Off-shore Tax Haven

What I wouldn’t tell you on a 1st date:   I have never been elected to public office

Raising Funds to:   Ensure there are only two classes – the top 1% and all y’ all

 

Rick Perry

Turn Ons:   Big Oil, Big Energy, Big Hair, Big Boots

Turn Offs:   Federal Reserve, Taxes, Clean Air

Deal Breaker:   Anyone who is an Oprah Fan - She's the Antichrist

Personal Hero:   Pastor Mike Bickle

BFF's:   Dave & Charlie Koch

Activities:   Creating Statue of Liberty Destruction Plan & Dreaming of Enron Museum

Hobbies:   Retrofitting Armadillos with Freaking Laser Beams

Voted Most Likely To:   Join The Hair Club for Men

Next Career:   Rodeo Clown

 

Raising Funds to:   Buy all my books in print; can’t have THOSE lying around

Michele Bachmann

Turn Ons:   None.  Christians do not have “Turn-ons”

Turn Offs:   Secular Humanists, Discussions Based in Fact

Favorite Subject in School:   Revisionist History       

Activities:   Sucking up to Grover & Pandering

Hobbies:   Praying for “Those People” with Marcus

Voted Most Likely To:   Be Fruitful & Multiply

Next Career:   Captain – Team Rapture

Campaign Slogan:   Bachmann 2012 – I Make Shit Up

Secretly Admires:   Tina Fey

Raising Money To:   Pay Moose & Squirrel to keep Sarah Palin in Alaska & out of my way

Mitt Romney

Turn Ons:   $1M Campaign Contributors

Turn Offs:   References to Romney-Care

Favorite Subject in School:   Mergers & Acquisitions           

Hobbies:   Building, Decorating – HGTV!

Secretly a Fan of:   Trey Parker & Matt Stone                      
                                            
Voted Most Likely To:   Leave Michigan

Next Career:  TV Personality - "Mitt Romney's Houses Across America" co-hosted with John McCain

Raising Money To:  Make Jon Huntsman an "offer he can't refuse"