Molly - We Sure Miss 'Ya

Ricky, Ricky, Ricky...

The best thing about Rick Perry?   He reminds us of Molly Ivins' wit and wisdom every time he opens his mouth.  She would be having a field day with him - "Shrub Lite" indeed!

The thing about Governor Goodhair though, is that he makes this entirely too easy.  Each day he's tossing softballs at us.  We can't hit them, Ricky, we're laughing too hard.  Please, tell us, who is writing for you?   Did you hire Chicago's Second City folks via blind ad? Come on, tell us, it's ok.   We won't leak it to the Cain people, we promise. 

The man who whose nickname was "Crotch" has the stones to whine about gay scout leaders.  Did anyone else get the joke?   Ricky's big on the "straight and narrow life" stuff.   When his little brow furrowed and he earnestly looked into the camera to remind viewers at home that  "Every life is precious" he evidently was not taking into account his Capital Punishment Express Line: 10 recanted testimonies or less - No Waiting! 

When The Oil Slick opined, "Our party cannot be all things to all people." Ricky was affirming his adoration and lock step with The Kochs.   He appeased all the other white, male, monied Evangelicals with that little "you're good, too" wink.   Goodhair's strength is not, nor has it ever been, subtlety.

He's shown himself to be a "W"-style Poster Boy for the Energy Lobby, "Texas has long been known as the nation's largest energy producer, but we are equally proud of our distinction as the nation's leading energy innovator."   You bet, Skippy, because Big Oil and Big Gas and Big Energy told you so. Damn the EPA full steam ahead.  Fracking Frackers!  (Pssst Ricky...Don't forget to work "Solyndra" in there...)

Personally, I love his unique grasp of Geography.  Ricky's "World Map" sure doesn't look like mine - and that was before I saw 2012.  Apparently he forgot which Nation Texas borders, as he indignantly explained, "The people who illegally cross into the country are from countries that have very close ties to al Qaeda, whether it's Yemen or Afghanistan, Pakistan, China. It is an absolute national disgrace."  Remind me not to use him for "phone a friend" if the question is on World Geography.   Ricky doesn't see a Commie in every closet like Joe McCarthy did. He, like W, sees a terrorist.  Apparently all those chemicals in the Texas air have done something to his brain.  LSD ain't got nothing on inducing hallucinations like refinery fumes! 

At least he has the pretend decency to quote a pretend Occupy Protester. Thanks "Jeremy", you just made us remember why Ricky is fun to laugh at, but will never be taken seriously. 

Yup, he's a do'er and not a talker alright...