Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Newt the Giraffe Hunter

Oh Newt...Molly is laughing from the beyond.  Only a man named for a common aquatic amphibian can invoke an exotic hoofed mammal with a straight face.  

While looking for an entertaining, enlightening, and exceptionally ridiculous Newtie quote for your reading pleasure, I stumbled upon what we shall heretofore refer to as "The Giraffe Quote." 

Yes. Giraffe. Really.  Read on.

"If combat means living in a ditch, females have biological problems staying in a ditch for thirty days because they get infections and they don't have upper body strength. I mean, some do, but they're relatively rare. On the other hand, men are basically little piglets, you drop them in the ditch, they roll around in it, doesn't matter, you know. These things are very real. On the other hand, if combat means being on an Aegis-class cruiser managing the computer controls for twelve ships and their rockets, a female may be again dramatically better than a male who gets very, very frustrated sitting in a chair all the time because males are biologically driven to go out and hunt giraffes." --- "Renewing American Civilization," Reinhardt College,  1/7/1995

Wow, Newtie, that's really Patriotic.  Clearly Mr. Thrice-Married has some real problems with women - "The Giraffe Quote" highlights his issue with women in the military specifically and from it we can certainly infer how tied-to-their-biology women in general are viewed.   What a shock, I know.   Mr. Keeper-of-Civilization may be showing his affinity for the Paleolithic hunter-gatherer era when I believe it was also permissible for a man to have an "open marriage" with other women of his village.

Super.  This is the jackass who wants the White House in 2012.  Contract with America 2.0. 

Wonder if he would appoint 4-Star General Ann E. Dunwoody to be Secretary of Defense.

Wonder if he would stock Camp David with Giraffes and invite Dick Cheney. 

The latter, however, may be the first time in history the NRA and PETA are on the same side.  Both would agree that in this particular case, the only viable option is to actually arm the giraffe.

Wonder how long it's going to be before he blames is $300,000 ethics fines and serial womanizing on his inability to hunt giraffes on a regular basis. 

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